when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Boobs are out for the taking
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
