Soap is not a condiment
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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