I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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