Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
