apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
