I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
literally had 100 drinks last night.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
