yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
