She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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