OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
