My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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