i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
