So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
