I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
