she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
