it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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