respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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