my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
