OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
