Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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