Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
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What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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