Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
