Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
