And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize