Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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