More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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