I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
