ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
