After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm having to shit out rocks
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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