Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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