She is in my trunk
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Panties = found
Randomize
