She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
