did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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