Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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