if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
