suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
