Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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