You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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