why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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