I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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