Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
