I think my fart just growled at me.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
