Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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