shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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