so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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