honey bunches of taint.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
