So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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