I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize