no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
