Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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