Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
