It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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