it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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