Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize