I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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