OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
