we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
