i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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