Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
