I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
