The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize