She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
