i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
we're chasing vodka with high fives
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
