a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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