A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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