I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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