She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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