I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
