tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
