Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
