Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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