ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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