I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
