you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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