Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
