I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I cockslap morals
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Randomize
