Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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