Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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