I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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