its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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