Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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