well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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