good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
