I heard we made out
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
