she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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