I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
