And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
