Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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