spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
